My name is Peach and I am a mother of 4 (yes, I know, it is a lot). I have recently realized that I do not fit into corporate America. I actually have no fucking clue what I am doing with my life. So, I am going to write blogs and just tell all the people how fricken awesome I am and why I am where I am.
I was raised in Ohio by two alcoholics. I inherited their awesome genes and have the same urges to get swasted. I mean, at least I am pretty. They did give me at least that much. Well, on that note- I decided I didn’t want to be anything like them soooooo, I quit drinking. Until last Sunday, I was super uncomfortable and have social anxiety like it is no ones business. So I drank like 9 beers in an hour and a half. I fell down- at a pro football game.
With that being said, I ripped my favorite jeans (which sucks monkey balls), and got pretty banged up. I went to the doctor Monday after I could feel pain and I sprained my hip, knee, and ankle…WTF!? Seriously, 9 beers caused all that. So now, it is Friday and my knee is still swollen and a looks like I got run over by a truck.
Anyways, on top of the awesome alcoholic genes my parents gave me, my dad also gave me some serious mental health issues. I know, I know, I am just a whole bunch of crazy rolled up into on little ginger. So, I am a 31-year-old vegan, trying to fight alcoholism with mental health issues.
Let’s move on. My whole world, these 4 little beautiful creature I created. They are 3, 5, 11, and 13. I have 2 boys and 2 girls. They are perfect little assholes (they are mine, I can call them assholes if I want). They are literally my whole world.
My oldest has decided that he wants to date a 15-year-old girl who is much more experienced than he is… and let me tell you, NOPE! Momma don’t play that. He is a football player. Six foot tall and wears a size 12 shoe… how the fuck did that come out of me. I am 5’2″ and wear children’s shoes still. He will still sit on the couch and cuddle with me, don’t tell his friends though.
My 11-year-old is tall and skinny and has the longest legs ever (she did not get that from me), she is going to cause me troubles. She is so pretty, but totes lacks common sense. She will most likely have to marry someone with money. It’s fine though, she is sweet and kind and beautiful and has the biggest heart and is so creative. Just a little iffy on the smarts.
Now, my 5-year-old. This girl… let me tell you. I literally can’t even with her. She is feisty and opinionated and has way to much to say…she may get that from me. Her life goal is to be a wrestler at school so she can beat up the boys. She will wear a tutu and fight and make all the little boys cry! I most likely do not ever have to worry about her trying to date anyone because all the boys are scared of her.
And finally my baby! He is a special little snow flake. His favorite thing to say is “ummmm, ummmm, how about no!” That’s always fun. He wants to be just like his sisters. So, he has to have his nails painted and his short little hairs have to be put in a ponytail… he looks like a fucking unicorn. He also wears nightgowns…because why the hell not! He is the most cuddly little boy ever and absolutely a mommas boy!
Now that we have all that out-of-the-way let’s discuss how much I hate corporate America. I am completely unable to sit at a desk every single day, deal with the politics of an office and stare at a computer while making rich people richer and living paycheck to paycheck, It is crazy to me the things that people put as a company expense.
I have worked for one company where it was completely acceptable for the owners to put an $800 bar tab as a company expense while paying the people in the field minimum wage and they were risking their lives every day…come on now people! Next company- the company couldn’t show being in the positive in fact they were in the hole over 125k already this year… BUT, the company was paying for the president of the company’s children’s gas in their cars and for someone to clean her house! That is like $400 a month! Bitch, clean yo own house!
I just do not understand it. I have worked my fucking ass off for everything I own and I sure have never had someone clean my underwear up off my floor. Whatevs. With that being said- I have to go do 76 loads of laundry because my kids do not know how to do anything for themselves or wear less than 64 outfits every fucking day!
Peace out girl scout, I will return soon with more of my opinions most likely next time.
Peach Sauce 